Sunday, June 14, 2009

Defusing the Explosive Combinations of Anger and Money

Today's post is an excerpt from the book, Curing Your Cash Crisis. To get a full view of the chapter's contents follow the link at the bottom of this post. Here is a bit of a preview for you!

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I think it would be good for me to start this chapter by defining what I mean by Anger. The most straightforward definition I could find for this strong emotion was:

Anger is a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance.

Another definition that I have used for years, which is drawn from the philosophical side of life, is:

Anger is an emotion aroused when an expectation is not met.

This second version is my favorite definition for Anger because it perfectly flows from the experiences I’ve had with clients (and in my own life) as we have walked the journey from scarcity to abundance. Anger is the side effect of our expectations being thwarted, most especially when we feel that we were fully justified in having those expectations. Then Anger really gets juiced up.

The purpose of this post is to help you talk about money without becoming angry. Now, you may say to me, “But Janine, I never get angry when I talk about money.” Okay, I believe you. But is that same rational response employed by your spouse? Your ex-spouse? Your parents? Are all the people in your life with whom you discuss money as calm about it? If you can respond "Yes," then feel free to move on to another financial blog. However, before you jump sites, please pause for a moment and answer one more question for me.

Do you talk about money?

You might ask, "Why do I need to consider this question, Janine?" Simple. The ability to objectively think—and act—on this subject is a fundamental requirement for abundant living (in all respects of the term "abundant," and not just money). I have actually had people tell me, after learning that I was a financial coach, “Oh, well, that sounds really interesting. My husband and I never talk about money. All it does is make us upset.” Some of these folks had been married for 20 years or more and had NEVER discussed money! How does that work exactly? I was blown away by the many lost opportunities for these couples to have obtained financial stability in their lives, because of a simple inability to even talk about a basic activity in their everyday lives.

Even if you are not the one who gets angry when discussing money, how about hanging in with me just a wee bit longer, Why? Because you are needed. That’s right. If you are the one that stays calm while discussing money, you have a tremendous opportunity to assist others who need help to heal themselves from the Anger in their lives that is the result of the monetary stresses. When you have a discussion about money where the other person starts to get angry, use the questions below to help them find their money-related emotional triggers that are keeping them from progressing.

Now, if you are the person who becomes Angry when discussing, reading, or learning about money issues, here are some questions to help you find out why this destructive emotion is popping up in your monetary life. When Anger hits, here are the things to ask yourself after you’ve done the breathing exercises to calm yourself and return your mind to a state of "Think."

  • Why am I angry?
  • When did I get angry?
  • Are there certain key words or phrases that set me off?
  • Do I need to use a "Retract?"
  • Do I really want to hang onto my Anger?
Read more...

Discussion and comments are listed on www.curingyourcashcrisis.com
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The next chapter will be posted after the 4th of July holiday. (That is for we US of A - types.) To my British readers, sorry to bring it up! I wish everyone a fabulous fortnight (plus a few days) and I'll chat with you again soon.

Janine

Monday, June 8, 2009

Is Guilt Keeping You from True Abundance & Wealth?

Guilt

Guilt is the emotion that pops up in my workshops first and foremost. Guilt has no real function but to inflict pain on the person who feels it. In short, Guilt about past money mistakes causes folks the most distress. Over the years I have noticed a pattern with participants as they first walk into a financial seminar. They usually enter very quietly with their shoulders slumped, looking like they’ve just been beaten with a mental baseball bat. The expressions on many of their faces seem to be saying:

Let’s get this over with. I know I’m an idiot for being in this financial mess, and I need to be punished for not knowing how to handle money.”

 

How did I ever get this deep into debt? I’m such a loser, I don’t deserve wealth, or happiness.”

 

This wacko lady can't help me. It’s probably just another scam I’ve been suckered into. She’s probably going to tell me there is no hope for someone stuck where I am.”

 

I should have never listened to my spouse and come here. There is absolutely no way anyone can help me get out of this hole.”

 

As I watch person after person walk into the room, it is amazing how much Guilt they bring with them. It is like they have a 50-pound sack of flour on their back and they don’t see how anyone can help relieve them of their burden. Not only that, but some of them have become so used to the burden that they have actually forgotten that they neither want or deserve it; letting go of the Guilt is threatening, because it represents a change in the normal emotional outlook, and many people think that change is painful! Is that how you are feeling right now about your own financial situation? If so, then let’s work on getting you to stand up straight and drop that unhelpful bag of Guilt.

The first question I have to ask you is, “Are you willing to put the bag down?” Most are not, even after you become aware of the burden and learn to recognize what it represents. Why? Because you may think you deserve this guilt. We need to convince your mind that you really are worth forgiving. Yes, you are. No matter what choices you’ve made. No matter how much debt you owe. No matter how desperate you were to run from emotional anguish by buying unneeded stuff. You are a person who is worth saving. You are worth forgiving. The challenging part is getting your stubborn mind and your long-standing habit of self-castigation to agree with what your heart already knows. You are a person that is worth forgiving. Money mistakes, no matter how major, are minor in the great scheme of things.

To read more on this emotion which comprises Chapter Two of my new book, visit www.curingyourcashcrisis.com

I look forward to your comments!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Curing Your Cash Crisis, The War has begun!

The War (Chapter One of the new book) has begun! As of two days ago, I posted the first chapter along with the Introduction for folks to comment on.

Here is your chance to ask any money question and have it answered! [as long as you don’t ask me how to invest your savings! (I’m aware of how to make and use money, but I have no certification in Financial Planning so I can’t “go” there with you.)] However, what I CAN do is answer all the other hundreds of basic questions buzzing through your brain!

What other reason should you care about this project? You get a free book out of the deal! That's right! I will make sure that you receive a free electronic copy of the final book. Not only do you get to comment and review each chapter as it comes out, thus helping you to get started digging out of your own personal economic recession, but you will receive a copy of the completed book after it is edited and ready for publication! My publisher is pushing for a September 2009 deadline.

Isn’t this the coolest thing? I am so excited to be able to open up this opportunity to the whole frugal community.

What do you need to do? Pop over to http://www.curingyourcashcrisis.com/ to review chapter one, The War.  There will be buttons on the page that will allow you to comment or ask questions; I and my editor(s) will make sure that the answers to the most universal and helpful questions will appear somewhere within the final book. Thanks for taking part in the building of a book to bring the emotional side of money into sharp focus.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Step 10 to Abundance: Relax! Breathe! You will gain control of your finances!

Here we are on the final step to Abundance. I've done my best to give you the Reader's-Digest-Condensed-version of the systems used by wealthy people to bring their finances under their control rather than bbeing controlled by them.

Here is kind of a quick list that I use in my seminars and workshops to help bring all the main points together and assist you in the step-to-step walk to abundance.



  1. Write down your eulogy, goals and purpose statement. Review your goals daily.

  2. Track all your expenses for three months.

  3. Open your savings accounts (both long term and short term)

  4. Implement the 60/40 principle with money that is NOT your paycheck.

  5. Live within your means, always. If you don't have the cash to buy it, don't.

  6. Invest in yourself. Learn how money grows. Totally understand compound interest!

  7. Declutter your purse, wallet, car, house, garage, and storage units.

  8. Learn a new skill once a month, make June's skill be the use of a Price Book.

  9. Keep learning, read a financial book once every six months.

  10. Relax! Take a deep breath! Rome wasn't built in a day. Know that the steady effort wins this race.


The most important fact about the wealth accumulation lifestyle is this: It is a race that is a marathon, not a sprint. Make daily efforts to gain control of your financial life. Don't try to change everything ALL at once. Do a little something every day and over the course of 5-9 years you will see that you have totally altered your financial life for the better.

Now...those are the basic principles to wealth. All 10 of them. What is next? Time to deal with the emotional barriers that you are putting up to prevent you from becoming rich. Wander over to the website Curing Your Cash Crisis and see the first chapter of the new book I'm writing. I want your participation so this books helps you and as many people as possible in the financial journey out of debt and into wealth.