I think it would be good for me to start this chapter by defining what I mean by Anger. The most straightforward definition I could find for this strong emotion was:
Anger is a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance.
Another definition that I have used for years, which is drawn from the philosophical side of life, is:
Anger is an emotion aroused when an expectation is not met.
This second version is my favorite definition for Anger because it perfectly flows from the experiences I’ve had with clients (and in my own life) as we have walked the journey from scarcity to abundance. Anger is the side effect of our expectations being thwarted, most especially when we feel that we were fully justified in having those expectations. Then Anger really gets juiced up.
The purpose of this post is to help you talk about money without becoming angry. Now, you may say to me, “But Janine, I never get angry when I talk about money.” Okay, I believe you. But is that same rational response employed by your spouse? Your ex-spouse? Your parents? Are all the people in your life with whom you discuss money as calm about it? If you can respond "Yes," then feel free to move on to another financial blog. However, before you jump sites, please pause for a moment and answer one more question for me.
Do you talk about money?
You might ask, "Why do I need to consider this question, Janine?" Simple. The ability to objectively think—and act—on this subject is a fundamental requirement for abundant living (in all respects of the term "abundant," and not just money). I have actually had people tell me, after learning that I was a financial coach, “Oh, well, that sounds really interesting. My husband and I never talk about money. All it does is make us upset.” Some of these folks had been married for 20 years or more and had NEVER discussed money! How does that work exactly? I was blown away by the many lost opportunities for these couples to have obtained financial stability in their lives, because of a simple inability to even talk about a basic activity in their everyday lives.
Even if you are not the one who gets angry when discussing money, how about hanging in with me just a wee bit longer, Why? Because you are needed. That’s right. If you are the one that stays calm while discussing money, you have a tremendous opportunity to assist others who need help to heal themselves from the Anger in their lives that is the result of the monetary stresses. When you have a discussion about money where the other person starts to get angry, use the questions below to help them find their money-related emotional triggers that are keeping them from progressing.
Now, if you are the person who becomes Angry when discussing, reading, or learning about money issues, here are some questions to help you find out why this destructive emotion is popping up in your monetary life. When Anger hits, here are the things to ask yourself after you’ve done the breathing exercises to calm yourself and return your mind to a state of "Think."
- Why am I angry?
- When did I get angry?
- Are there certain key words or phrases that set me off?
- Do I need to use a "Retract?"
- Do I really want to hang onto my Anger?
Discussion and comments are listed on www.curingyourcashcrisis.com
The next chapter will be posted after the 4th of July holiday. (That is for we US of A - types.) To my British readers, sorry to bring it up! I wish everyone a fabulous fortnight (plus a few days) and I'll chat with you again soon.